When you become a parent, your life changes forever.  But I really don’t need to tell you that, do I? You’ve likely spent many a sleepless night waking up to feed and change the baby. You’ve rushed home from work to see his sweet little face, then fretted over what to make for dinner during those early years of picky eating (they do end, right?). When your little one is sick, your heart breaks. When you hear his laughter, your heart bursts. You spend as much time as possible together and when you’re away, you’re spending a small fortune on daycare. You give, give, give of yourself.  And it’s all worth it. Especially when you can turn around and use that little one to your advantage!

Wait, what? Moms are supposed to be completely selfless! But hear me out. If you’ve been following some of my other posts, you know I’m now “advanced maternal age” (thanks for the ego boost doc!) and have become a bit of a homebody these days. This is where baby comes in.  He’s the perfect excuse to continue your newly established hermit crab ways. Actually, the perfect excuse for a lot of things…

1. Avoiding activities you have no interest in: Drinking wine while group painting, going to the mall just to browse, seeing another Mission Impossible movie…sorry, no can do!  We can’t get a sitter!
2. Saying no to holiday travel: Anyone else have family members who make plans for you, rather than with you? Perhaps they forget what it’s like to pack up the car and travel for hours with little ones.  Not easy…and therefore the perfect excuse to have family come to you instead.
3. Saying no to friends without kids: I love all of my friends to the moon and back. But the ones who aren’t parents need a little tutorial on time management mommy-style: nine times out of 10, weeknights are out of the question. At least two weeks notice is needed to book a date night and even then, getting a sitter isn’t a guarantee. When that happens, it’s a valid excuse. And just saying that happened because you’re tired as hell…also a valid excuse.
4. Saying no to friends with kids: These friends are great because they are down to hang out family style.  Awesome…except when the invitation falls under activities you have no interest in (see #1) or extensive travel (see #2). A combination request is the worst. Example: Disney World with a child under the age of five.  Just the thought of the ride/bathroom lines stress me out. This is a good time for your baby to be feeling under the weather…
5. Wedding season: I truly love weddings. Celebrating a friend who has found happiness? Sign me up. However, there is always one that is way out of your budget.  Hawaii? Are you sure? Isn’t there a volcano erupting there as we speak? Insert baby excuse here.
6. When you’re late to work: This is hands down the best reason to use the baby as an excuse.  Usually, you’re not faking it.  Babies/toddlers are unpredictable and meltdowns can really set you back when trying to get out the door. But then again, so can having nothing in your closet to wear or trying to tame a bad hair day.  I’ve got two words for you: explosive diaper. 

Go ahead, you hard working mama. Blame your baby! You’ve earned the right to use him or her as the occasional excuse…and you’ve got the stretch marks to prove it 🙂